I’ve just been reading a tale of woe about self-help that didn’t help. A weight-loss group where people didn’t lose weight; a self-development seminar where people didn’t emerge particularly developed. It’s not that there was anything wrong with the message or the method used in either of these places. It obviously worked wonders for some people; it’s just that, for the rest, it didn’t.
The writer of this tale wondered,
“The Weight Watchers program is well thought out and works as a weight loss regime, if adhered to. There is nothing wrong with it. The self-development weekend was brilliant. The principles taught and worked through should be effective in helping people cope with living. Why don’t they? Are people that set in their ways that they are incapable of making a change, even if they know that the change will be healthier physically or mentally or both? Are they incapable of leaving their comfort zone to try something different? Are bad habits easier to stick with than good ones?”
Well, yes, it’s undoubtedly hard to leave the comfort zone and change – but some people do manage it. So why, given excellent advice and support, doesn’t this work for everyone?
I’d suggest the answer is simply that one size doesn’t fit all.
I’ve been thinking this lately, as I roam the internet and find articles providing truly excellent advice, that reminds me forcibly of a hexagram: a recipe for making progress that’s uncannily like hexagram 46, for instance. And when I next receive hexagram 46, I’ll be looking at that advice again.
The thing is, though, that there are 63 other hexagrams, as well (of course) as 4096 possible readings, and an infinity of personal messages. Advice on how to push on upward is helpful to me at times, but not when what I really need is to Keep Still, reflect, and not try to escape my situation.
This kind of recognition happens again and again when you start reading with hexagrams in mind. This manifesto about the ‘Law of Attraction’ sounds a lot like Hexagram 5, Waiting; that inspiring quotation about ‘doing small things with great love’ reminds me of Hexagram 62; that tremendously helpful book is basically all about 30 line 6.
The books and articles cast light on the hexagrams, but also the hexagrams put the book in perspective: this is only one in 64, or one in 4096. It’s just as true on this larger scale: a single self-help programme (or book, or seminar, or system), however well-designed, is never going to work for everyone. People are different; they change.
This is not exactly rocket science; I’m probably belabouring the point a little. But the thing is, what solution do we have for this dead-obvious problem, except for trying a new system when the last one didn’t fit?
There are things I’ve wanted to achieve for years, positive habits I’ve wanted to get into – I could write a long list, but what I’ve been looking for most of all has been a way to translate my deep-seated love for what I do and desire to do it better into daily motivation to take the next step. I’ve looked for advice, read books, perused websites – I’ve absorbed a lot of truly excellent information and tried out some very good ideas. And had I achieved what I set out to? Errr, not so much.
Then Yi pushed and kicked me (through a succession of readings in which hexagram 39 featured prominently) into starting a mastermind group. The four of us meet by phone once a week to exchange support, insights and accountability. I’ve had the huge good fortune to connect up with very wise and gifted people. But by some strange inner alchemy, I’ve gained more than I’ve learned from them directly. Somehow, those positive habits I’d been wanting to gain for years are settling into place, and daily motivation is less and less of an issue.
The point of this post isn’t to sing the praises of masterminding; there’s plenty of good information and advice to be had about it, if you’re interested. Besides, masterminding isn’t a panacea; it may not be remotely the right fit for you now.
There’s an endless supply of good information and advice out there about ways to grow and move forward: a vast global library with everything you could ever need to learn. If you need some help to find what works for you, though – a mentor who can guide you through a personalised curriculum – I’d suggest talking to Yi.
I love your site!
“The Weight Watchers program is well thought out and works as a weight loss regime, if adhered to. There is nothing wrong with it.”
Wow.
Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with it…for someone who responds well to peer pressure. That public weigh-in thing is great for anyone whose mind works that way. When I tried that program years ago, I found it humiliating and demeaning to be weighed like bulk goods in front of other people. For me, there was definitely something wrong with it. I understand they’ve changed a great deal about it since – but you still step on that scale for an audience.
I think you really hit on the common theme of what went wrong with all these things: An idea that what works for one, or many, must work for all. We may all be One, but we’re very different expressions of it! 🙂
Great thought and I agree having been in a few self help groups my self
Another situation involved with the self help mentality, I believe is the inability of most of the inherent processes to get to the heart of the matter. As with the weight loss example it is the symptom that is dealt with and not the root issue, which is often addictive and/or compulsive signals triggering like action by the body. Somehow it’s those brain – body signals that need sorting out.